finally...a new bjourn

so, i am currently sitting inside Perry Nissan while my car is going through a diagnostic test. the 'service engine soon' light came on yesterday right before noon. and by noon today it was off, but i had already scheduled an appointment, so here i am. not that this is interesting or even noteworthy, but this is the first time i've had the opportunity to surf the web in quite a while. usually, when i get the chance, it's at work for a few moments at a time. my neighbor's wifi hasn't been working for me lately.

so niaz, here's an update. and i'm not really delving into anything like you recommended that i should from our last conversation. i wish i could. but i just feel like i don't have an adequate amount of time. and i feel like maybe it needs more thought before i share it. maybe i need to make better connections of obsessions and thought processes.

so, also, i CANNOT wait to go to colorado. i'm so excited, and i'm kinda afraid i'm gonna wanna stay and never come back to the boring banalities of life in mid/eastern america. chris mccandless said "the west IS best", and i can't concur...yet. but in my mind it's always been best. and i can't wait to find out for myself.

so, since i mentioned chris mccandless, i guess i can mention a few of my current obsessions and how they have affected my thoughts.


i am addicted to LOST, to tv series. it's really good, and i like it quite alot. i really like the relationship between charlie and claire, even though they're not really "main" characters. but mostly what i like about this show, is seeing how these people live. they are merely living to survive, and almost everything they do is about survival. (btw, i'm only in the second season, and this is actually lessening by the episode.) so, i've been thinking that survival was early humans' quest. now, it seems that our quest's is surviving with the least amount of work necessary. i really think we are missing out on discovering the depths of ourselves and our souls. what are we really made of? what are we really capable of? how far can i push myself? how much can i do for myself instead of others doing for me? i mean, our lives are pretty sweet, and i would make the case that i have never done anything in my life that depended upon my survival i will stop there because i could go farther into my thoughts, but i'm not sure i want to yet. they may seem too insensitive, and i haven't thought it through enough yet to defend them.

a couple of weeks ago i watched the movie "into the wild" directed by sean penn. i have been obsessed with this story ever since. i've read probably 10 articles on the subject and recently bought the book from which the movie was adapted from. john krakauer wrote the book after becoming obsessed in the story as well over 10 years ago. now, i don't know chris mccandless, and all i have to go on is the accounts from the people who knew him and how krakauer presented him in his book, and how penn presented him in the movie. regardless, i felt a very strong connection to the ideas that mccandless had. mostly, i liked the fact that he was hard to categorize, and sometimes, i feel like maybe i'm a hard person to categorize. i really enjoy the feeling when someone learns something about me that they'd never expect. mainly i enjoy it because i feel like "HA, i'm not one-dimensional, i don't fall into stereotypes." i don't know why i think it's a good thing, but i do. but i also share his passion for honesty in the world, and i admire how he gave his money to charity and left all his possessions behind to live among vagabonds. he didn't see people in classes necessarily, which is also something i admire. i find a slight connection in how much disdain he had for our current society. they way we are so materialistic and see ourselves in classes. the wealthy aristocratic type who belong to country clubs and jet to remote places for vacations three or four times a year and who look down their noses at people who live in RVs and criss-cross the country working at flea markets or renaissance festivals. i mean, yeah, i think it's kinda weird that some people opt for that, but should i really think that my life is better because i have more stuff or make more money. i don't think so. i think everyone should do what brings happiness to their hearts.
there is so much more about alexander supertramp that i find endearing, and i wish there were more people like him in our world. it'd be a better place for sure!

also, i've been very (re: actually only a little bit, but relative to most people it's very) involved in our great political process. in missouri, we have a 'preferential' primary on super tuesday. and then about a month later we have county caucuses where we elect delegates to the republican state convention, where delegates are elected to the republican national convention. now, i must say here, that i do not necessarily believe in political parties, and i actually abhor politics altogether. but, i'm more conservative in my worldviews and its really hard for your voice to be heard or to have any impact for change outside one of the two major political parties. so, i'm trying to make a change from the inside out. which is how real change is made anyways.

okay, there are also other musings in my life, but my car's diagnostic test is fine and is ready to go, so i must end my ramblings here. also, nissan isn't even charging me, hallelujah!