Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Cancer Scare

This morning started just like any other Monday morning. Well, except for the fact that I was able to sleep in a few extra minutes because I didn't have to go to lab, but that is besides the point. I noticed pretty early on that there was a slight tenderness on the inside of my arm just below the axillary (armpit) region. I went most of the day figuring that I slept on my arm really funny or that I had bumped into something the day before. After my classes were over with, I came home to take a shower when I noticed that my chest (yes, just superior to my right breast) also had a slight tenderness. I immediately began feeling around, not really sure what I was feeling for and I convinced myself that I had a bump or knot of sorts. I remembered from my A&P class that to have breast cancer, you don't necessarily have to have the lump in your breast and I was certain this was close enough. And, I also recalled my professor saying that a lot of times, people first feel a pain in the axillary region (due to the lymphatic system draining there) when they have cancer, especially if it has already spread. So, I try to remain calm and collected because A) I am not a Doctor and just because I've had 2 A&P courses doesn't remotely qualify me to self-diagnose and B) freaking out will just cause me an unmentionable amount of stress, and I like to put stress off until the last minute. I call my mom, and explain the situation to her, and tell her that I may be exaggerating about the knot, but I need a second opinion. My roommate comes home, and I explain the situation to her and ask her to feel, while reassuring her, the knot is a good 2 inches above my boob, so there are no worries. Sure enough she feels it, and I know I'm not just blowing things out of proportion. All I can think of is the fact that I don't have health insurance right now, and that having cancer treatments must be hella expensive, and mentally I scold myself for not just buying cheap insurance with a really high deductible in case of emergencies.

And then my mind clears, and I have an idea about what might have caused all the soreness. I get out my guitar and sit cross-legged on the ottoman. Sure enough, sitting in that position (just like I did for approximately 3 hours the night before) the edge of the guitar presses into the sore knot on my chest, and as I rest my arm on the end of the guitar as I prepare to strum, I can feel the guitar once again pressing right into exact spot on the inside of my arm where the tenderness is. Mystery solved, cancer scare diverted!

Now, I will get cheap insurance with a high deductible for emergencies.
And, I learned for the first time today some super important information on my family's health histories. Yay for not having to learn some things the hard way.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

-) Serving for 4 hours to only make $23 in tips, which is exactly the amount of money I had to part ways with to pay my manager for my work-shirt, made me extremely sad today.

+) Not feeling sick today made me feel really great!

-) Because I was feeling so great, I was semi-miserable that it rained outside today...ALL.FRICKIN.DAY.LONG

+) Since, I had to stay indoors, I was motivated to practice some instruments (harmonica and guitar) so that was a blast. Here's to hoping I really for real for reals make a habit out of it, for that is the ONLY way I can improve. Down with giving up.

So, we have 2 negatives and 2 positives, which should make the overall day neutral, but I'm feeling more like it was a positive day so I guess the positives carried a little more value than the negs. Also, maybe it's because I'm about to +) read more of HP and the Prisoner of Azkaban and +) Wake up a smidgen later than normal tomorrow because I get to skip my MicroLab!! but -) Have to go to the library to write a paper on my unknown organism, which I believe is Neisseria canis.

UPDATE : I was wrong, my unknown organism wasn't Neisseria canis at all. I'm bummed.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

brotherhood 2.0

This post is directed to Cassidy, possibly my only reader, if she even still reads this.
I know it's been like 1 and half years since you told me about these brothers Green. BUT today, while I have nothing to do and it's -14 degrees outside I've watched several of the videos and now my side is splitting.

SO, Cassidy, I'm going to yell at you for not forcing me to watch this greatness sooner. CASSIDY!! WHY DIDN'T YOU FORCE ME TO WATCH THIS SOONER!?!? YOU SHOULD HAVE REQUIRED IT OF ME TO BE CONSIDERED FOR BEING YOUR FRIEND!!! Ok, I'm now done yelling.


Monday, November 10, 2008

doing better

And by doing better, I mean, I am trying to be more responsible and not procrastinate.
I'm assuming that my procrastination causes me about 90% of the stress in my life and that is simply ridiculous. So, I awoke this morning at 3:30 and couldn't go back to sleep because I was stressing about all the things I had to do today. I decided to go ahead and get a start on the day, and I accomplished a great deal! But alas, I'm sleepy and am headed back to bed for one more hour of precious sleep.

Here's to no more procrastination. Cheers!

Saturday, November 8, 2008


Usually, when I sit down to write a bjourn, it's because things are so heavily laid on my mind. Not that I always write (or publish) them. See, I can never seem to coordinate all the things running through my head into a coherent entry. I don't know why I can't either. Sometimes, I want to tell myself that I have ADD or something because I also have trouble doing other things in a sequence that makes sense. I'm having more and more trouble studying these days, like I read a paragraph over multiple times, but the information just floats off into some space outside of my brain. It's quite disheartening, and I refuse to think that I would develop a disorder in my early 20's after graduating college. But still, I don't know what my deal is.

However, instead of musing about some world crisis or a self-crisis for that matter, I thought I'd try just writing about mundane things, for the mundane is what makes my life, and I rather enjoy it for the most part. So, here's to the mundane things in life that make me happy of late.

1. Discovering new old music.
My taste in music varies all the time, but once I like something, I'll always like it, even if it's just for the nostalgia of it. Like in high school, I got really into hardcore and indie music. Maybe it was more of a scene. See, when I was in high school, indie and hardcore music wasn't really cool, and the whole scene around it was seemingly just beginning. I can remember going to shows where no one guys were wearing girl jeans or had that infamous scene haircut, you know the one with the super straight bangs swooped to one side covering one eye. Anyhow, I digress.
So, from the indie music scene, many artists would do acoustic stuff which I dug, and through the acoustic stuff I made my way into folk. And from folk, I got into bluegrass. A couple of years later, I started digging jazz and soul. And to admit a guilty pleasure, I've always had a soft spot for R&B. Somewhere between the indie stage and the bluegrass stage, I found Blind Willie Johnson by accident on a rural radio station as I was driving through the middle of nowhere on my way home from college one Friday night. I heard this piece of music, and it had no words, and I can't explain the draw that it had, but it was the oddest thing being moved by this piece of music. I caught one of the DJ's calling it something like "Dark was the Night". I scoured the internet to learn more about this song because I had to pass on this gem to my friends. During the scouring, I read that someone once called it the most transcendent piece in the history of American music. I felt my feelings for the piece were now justified. Anyways, that was my first adulthood glimpse into blues, and I'm not sure why I never jumped feet first into the genre, but I only downloaded that one song. Now, though, I'm really getting into Blues. I absolutely love it. And I especially love anything with the Blues/Folk/Soul classification. It's a merger of probably my three favorites all into one and it can't get any better. All that to say, I'm really digging Van Morrison and CSNY right now. I never listened to much of Van Morrison because all I knew was the "Brown Eyed Girl" song, which it's good, but to me it was just overplayed causing me not to search out more of his music.

2. Living in the Moment.
This is an on-going battle for me. I often am daydreaming about my future or fondly remembering the past. I love nostalgia, but living in the past should only be done at reunions, and living in the future is plain dumb because I have this theory that anything I daydream about will never come true anyways. So, my goal is to have a vision of my future that I'd like to have, and by vision of my future, it's mostly about what kind of person I become. So, to get to that person I have to work on my character flaws now. And, sometimes I think about being a wife or parent, but that seems so far away, that all I really should do is focus on being the person that someone would want to be married to or the kind of person that a parent should be to foster the most care to her children. Needless to say, I like random encounters, but really am working on building relationships where I am and learning to communicate more honestly and openly.

3. Twilight.
It comes out in 2 weeks and I'm pretty flippin' excited. Will it live up to the expectations I have? I'm not sure. As long as it isn't too cheesy, and I can feel the chemistry from the actors portraying Bella and Edward, I think that's all it will take for me to be a fan. However, I'm probably not going to go opening weekend, as I'm not willing to brave the legions of crazed-fangirls. Maybe I'll make it out the week after during the day while they're all in school.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

a summation of why i oppose socialism

"A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have."
--Thomas Jefferson

'nuff said.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Take Two

Okay, so, I've decided to give bjourning another shot. Mainly because I have too much freakin' stuff constantly floating around in my head. The content may be controversial, but I am going to freely and unapologetically write what it is that I'm thinking. However, I don't mind if anyone reads this and wants to respond. I like to think of myself as an open-minded thinker. So, if there are any opposers out there and you have a logical argument, I don't mind hearing it and mulling it over. Lastly, this isn't meant to offend or upset anyone...I just need an outlet.